The Modesty Panel: What if you want more coverage?

This and the following post were meant to be published this week but our internet went down and since I'm very overdue my ability to do much of anything is at zero.  Hoping I'm going into the nesting phase now! :) Also, this post is a *late* contribution to the Modest Panel and there will be a second on Modesty from a Mother's Perspective that comes out on Weds.

I've been meaning to tackle the issue of modesty for awhile now.  However, it's an extremely tough one and somehow I have at the same time too much and too little on it to say.  What you might not know about me is that I grew up in a very, very conservative Christian culture.  At one point we went to a church where it was "evil" to wear jeans, women were required to have long hair, and women were basically told that they should be seen and not heard.  Maybe that comes to a surprise to a few of you, since now I happily write about boobs, bras, and lingerie on my blog, but I've decided it's important to share so you understand my perspective.  For others who have discussed modesty from being raised as Christian see Boosaurus and contrary kiwi.

I'm going to go about this in two different parts.  This first section is for women who choose to dress modestly and later on this week I'll discuss modesty from a mom's perspective.  So often I see bloggers go against the assumption that women should dress modestly but then leave a blank spot for women with curves who choose to dress modestly.  To me there's an important distinction there.  One is being forced into a pigeon hole due to what society, religion, and/or family/friends demand of you, the other is choosing clothes that you feel most comfortable in.  If we can be accepting of those who wear skimpy clothes, or have a unique style, can't we also be accepting of those who choose to dress modestly without calling them a prude or assuming certain religious convictions? Hourglassy recently has a post on the tie between a large bust and looking matronly and I think these issues are fairly closely tied together.

Now, I'm not exactly the poster child for modesty. Rather, I choose my clothing items more by what I find flattering on my body vs. what society dictates I should wear.  For instance, I've been a fan of bikinis once I discovered bra sized swim wear because 1. they're more supportive, 2. they don't roll up over my rounded stomach, 3. they fit better on my long torso and 4. I can pee more easily in them.  That being said, I would prefer more full-coverage bikinis if it was possible.  I love the look of high-waisted bottoms and have I no desire to wear plunge bikini tops considering my swimwear is used for working out so stability is needed! On the other end of the spectrum, you'll never find me in a short skirt (well, I will wear one with leggings underneath) because I find that if flares around my large butt and emphasizes it more than I like.  I also don't like sitting that "lady like" and in a short skirt that would reveal more than I feel comfortable with.  I tend to prefer longer skirts and even the occasional maxi dress/skirts (even though I've been told like I look like a religious fanatic when I wear them!).

But I do think there's a need for women out there to get this discussion rolling.  Workplaces can have strict dress codes and Debrahlee Lorenzana was fired from Citibank for looking too sexy (see pictures of her usual work clothes here). I have to wonder seeing those pictures how they expected her to dress?

Debrahlee Lorenzana seem pretty work appropriate to me...

Other women choose to dress more conservatively due their own personal preference or maybe because they have certain features they would rather not be questioned about (old scars/stretch marks* etc).  Ultimately, it comes down to wearing what you feel comfortable and confident in.  That can change over time as you age, and your life experiences change too.

So here's some tips for busty women if they feel the need for more coverage....

• Invest in some Perfect Cami's.  Wrap tops can be especially trick if you're buying premade clothes.  Often time they are cut too low and end up showing part of your bra or more cleavage than you might feel comfortable with.  Perfect Cami's are basically mini-camisoles that stop at your underbust (so they don't add any heat during the summer) and they can also be great for nursing as I talk about in my post

Urkye Wrap top with Perfect Cami

• Buy Boob-Friendly Clothes. I always struggled with finding clothes that both flattered me but that also gave me enough boob coverage at the same time.  In the past I've struggled with shirts that were see-through (not on purpose!) over my bust because they were pulled too tight, shirts that were too low cut, buttons that gaped, and armholes that were too big.  All of these things can be fixed when you start buying clothes that are cut more generously in the bust.  Check out stores like BiuBiu, Urkye, Pepperberry, Campbell & Kate, DD Atelierer, AJ Rumina, and Ureshii Designs for button down shirts, higher cut wrap tops, sleeveless tops with smaller armholes etc. 

BiuBiu

DD Atelier

• Check out mode-stye for ideas (their facebook page is here). While I don't see a lot of things on there for large busts there's a lot of ideas on how to dress more conservatively without forgoing fashion completely.  Many of the styles are are very beautiful and I have a feeling could be easily adapted using clothes from the boob-friendly brands I mention above. 

This outfit could easily be completed with a Campbell and Kate white shirt, an Ewa Michalak nude bra, and a simply black circle skirt that Pinnup Girl Clothing offers. 

• Invest in a good nude bra.  If you're looking to wear a light colored shirt without your bra showing up then you need a bra that is as close as possible to your own skin tone.  I know women of color may struggle with this so I suggest they check out Ewa Michalak because they carry light beige, beige, and dark brown bras.  Curvy Kate also carries the daily boost in both nude (their term, not mine) and mocha.

Curvy Kate Daily Boost Mocha

•  If finding high enough waisted jeans and ones that don't gap in the back are your problem see A Hip Situation, Back Gap, and PZI jeans review.

All that being said...

Dress how YOU feel the most comfortable.  Ultimately, you pick your own style and should decide how much skin you want to reveal.  You're not responsible for others actions and it really sucks that busty women receive aggressive comments for clothes that are considered just fine on less busty women.  I wish I had a solution there but the reality of it is you are who you are and this is the body you were given.  Take pride in that and dress that way that gives you the most self-confidence possible.

For other posts from the Modesty Panel see:

For more perspectives on modesty, check out the rest of the “Bosom Bloggers” posts. The links go directly to the modesty post if it’s been published, otherwise it links to the blog’s home page:

Boosaurus: Growing up in the Christian Homeschooling Subculture
Braless in Brasil:  What if you want more coverage?
Bras and Body Image: What I wear is none of your damn business!
By Babys Rule:  Modesty and Breast Implants
Contrary Kiwi:  More clothes = more holiness?
Fussy Busty:  Why I choose not to cover up
Fussy Busty Pt 2:  I’m fat and ain’t no one telling me what to do!
Hourglassy:  Stares Bad, Breast Private
Hourglassy Pt 2:  Feminism isn’t a four letter word but modesty should be!
Miss Underpinning: Why I like taking my clothes off for the Internet, or on modesty
Nothing Ever Fits:  What Modesty means for us
Obsessed with Breasts:  A Word Vomit of Thoughts
Red Hair and Girly Flair: It’s not your body
Sophia Jenner: Where do you stand?
That Bra Does Not Fit Her: We have a great selection of minimizers!
The Tit Rambler: Modest Panel Crashing
Thin and Curvy:  Dressing Modestly
Two Cakes on a Plate:  Respecting One Another Not the Rules of Society
Weirdly Shaped and Well Photographed: On Looking Away
Wide Curves:  I Want to be Big and Immodest
Windie Gardie: Modesty


* Just to be clear, I'm not saying you have to cover up scars/stretch marks etc.  It completely depends on each women's individual comfort level. 

10 Full-term Myths vs. Reality

Now that I'm full-term and basically just waiting for this baby to pop out any day now, I thought it would be good to talk about the fun part of being full-term and just to clear up a few things.

1. Full-term bellies are BIG.  Nope, I'm not carrying twins and in the following picture I'm "only" 37 weeks.  I've gotten bigger since then but am WAY too lazy to take pictures:

37 weeks

It seems like celebrities and most friends/family who take pictures of themselves stop at around 7/8 months.  I think a big part of it is is sheer exhaustion but the effect is that many people are shocked to see a 9 months pregnant women running around and you get some great comments like "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" or one I got the other day was "hey big belly!".  They don't really get to me, but I know for some ladies they can find these constant comments emotional draining.

2. Nesting is a lie.  Ok, maybe some ladies get this but I sure don't! All I want to do is sleep but when I try to sleep I have to get up and pee all the time.  It's a viscous cycle and none of it involves cleaning every inch of our apartment.

3. 40 weeks is the AVERAGE date that women delivery, it's not the end date.  I found this cool like discussing some of the statistics (seems like the average is centered a day or two before 40 weeks regardless of number of previous pregnancies.  I do wonder how much that is affected though by women getting elective inductions/c-sections before or on their due date.  It would be interesting to compare to a country like the Netherlands where they have a very low c-section rate and less medical interventions.  That being said, it's OK to go past your due date.  Since roughly 40 weeks is the average that means HALF of all women give birth after 40 weeks...  Long story short, bugging your pregnant friend starting at 37 weeks every day when they're going to go into labor probably isn't the best idea unless you plan on keeping it up for 5 weeks!

4. Cervical exams don't tell you much.  I get it, I LOVE statistics so I find the whole thing fascinating but the reality of it is if you're at 1 cm or 3 cm it doesn't say anything about when you're going to go into labor and how long your labor will last.  Also, according to Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, she says that she's seen women decrease in size if they were put into a stressful situation due to whole fight or flight idea.  Basically, labor could actually stop/slow down if a woman was put into a stressful enough situation. 

5. My body still functions even if it's slower and bigger.  I had to laugh yesterday because I ran to the grocery store and the guy bagging my groceries first ask if I had my car with me.  I said no.  He then asked if I needed help carrying them home and I said no.  After that he looked at me like I had a third head and walked away.  But, yep, I'm still walking, still swimming.  Sure it's hard.  I'm slow  and I'm certainly not doing a fraction of what I was doing pre-pregnancy but I'm also still a fully functional human being.  I keep hearing that exercise helps to speed up labor, no personal experience there, but I'm sure hoping it's true!

6. I'm still rocking underwire bras!  Right now I'm right between a 32K and 32KK in Ewa Michalak's S bra (although I prefer the 32K in terms of comfort). However, I still don't get along with soft cup bras, so I'm hoping like crazy that my 32KK Ewa Michalak bras are the right size once my milk comes in.

7. Shirts are NEVER long enough.  Seriously, I think maternity clothes designers think we all run around naked once we hit 9 month or something.  Even at 8 months pregnant I ran into problems with most of my maternity shirts being too short.  Now I have basically 3 shirts that still cover my belly!

8. Pregnancy Uniforms become reality whether we like it or not.  In the picture above you see me rocking a variation of my pregnancy uniform.  Basically it's black yoga pants+ a stretchy shirt+hair in a ponytail.  It's not that I actually like black yoga pants that much, I'd rather have more colors at the very least! But at the moment I have 3 pairs in my closet- I'm pretty sure they're reproducing.  I swear it's nearly impossible to find these stupid things in other colors and don't even try to ask me to put on something besides them.  I'm ALL about comfort at this point. 

9. You gain the magical ability to pee ever few minutes.  Seriously, our toilet paper bill has got to be astronomical at this point.

10. Nobody answers the phone with "hi" anymore.  Rather, you get "are you in labor?" or "is the baby born yet?".  At work my husband has gotten asked this same question (baffling because why would he be at work then?).  I told him he should answer "Yes, June is in labor this very second and I'm watching over skype, you want to join me?".  Maybe it'll get everyone to stop asking. :)


Also, you can always use a good laugh.  As for me, I'm still laughing like crazy over the picture for a pregnant women getting off of the couch here. 

Housekeeping and help needed!

You may have noticed  that I've changed the blog design.  I wanted the blog to have a sleeker look and make it more user-friendly for readers.  I've updated my pages too so check out the Table of Contents, Resources, and Find bras that FIT.  I tried going for the dynamic view but it was giving a lot of problems with the comments so I had to give it up, sadly.  If the bug ever gets fixed I'll probably switch back.

I would appreciate some help, though!  On my Resources page I'm trying to create a list of bra shops around the world where women can find bras in larger cup sizes.  If you know any shops or brands (both physical or online) in your respective country  then please let me know! Also, if you are a lingerie shop that carries larger cup sizes let me know too in the comments and I'll add you! 

If you're a new reader, please take the Underbust Survey and the Breast Changes during Prengnacy/Nursing/Weaning Survey (if it applies to you).  The Underbust Survey has over 800 reponses and I've love to get to 1000 before I redo the statistics.  The Pregnancy Survey still needs more responses before I analyze the statistics, so please help! :)


Also... my due date is quickly approaching which means I'm just running on fumes here.  I apologize for sporadic responses to comments/emails.  I read ALL of them but sometimes have a hard time digging through the pregnancy brain to muster up a rational response.  Please just bare with me for the time being!  

Linda: Sugar Shape Leyla Review

Linda's back and has been kind enough to review SugarShape for me- a new German company that tries to get women into the correct size by just listing bras according to measurements, not sizes.  Holly also did a review for them over on the Lingerie Addict. 

Sugar shape is a German brand, which is just one year old. To be honest, I had never heard of them before until about a week ago when someone wanted to sell their bikini from them in a buy and sell group that I am in.  Curious I went on their homepage http://www.sugarshape.de/ to have a snoop around.  I was confused by their sizing, they do not operate using cup or back sizes like we are used to, but they only use centimeters. See more after the jump

So bras ARE necessary... when exercising

The University of Portsmouth is doing some AWESOME research when it comes to breast health.  They did a recent study that found that women (specifically long distance runners) experience breast pain among women of ALL sizes and ALL ages (for more info see here).  Unlike some other research, they actually controlled for breast size and women's pregnancy history.  They said that they surveyed women between AA and HH cups with chest-band sizes from 28-40" with a wide range of body weight where the average weight was 148lbs.  Oh, and they surveyed 1,397 women... a much bigger sample size! See more after the jump

Comparison of Ewa Michalak shapes

Just a short post today with lots of links and pictures.  I get a lot of questions about what Ewa Michalak shape works best for what body type.  The point of this post is just to put up links to other posts that compare the different shapes and how they work on different body types.  See more after the jump.

Deliniating between "regular" and "plus-sized"

This post is a long time coming but it kept getting put on the back burner because it's such a sensitive topic.  Some might argue that nailing down certain measurements/sizes that delineate between regular sized clothes and plus-sized clothes come down to fat shaming, especially when plus-sized clothes are priced differently. See more after the jump.